HELLO, WELCOME TO THIS LOOONG, BOOORING WEBSITE ABOUT COLD FEET!

HOW TO GET RID OF COLD FEET

DISCLAMER: I’m not a doctor, so do not try these things at home. Also please do not look at the illustrations with your eyes, they are freakish. In fact, my eyes fell out drawing this one.

Now, for a very long list of how to keep your feet warm.

1. Get a heater!
   
   
2. Walk on hot coals.
   
   
3. Get ten heaters!
   
   
4. Walk through a volcano.
   
   
5. Eat pie
   
   
6. Get 326,765,258,264,982,657,267,582,695,727,859,265,983,652,579,270,492,807,503,475,932,652,926,395,300 heaters!
   
   
7. Burn your blanket
   
   
8. Hey, while you’re at it, why not burn the whole house down?
   
   
9. Light a fire in the fireplace and then pretend to be Santa Claus coming through the chimney
   
   
10. Ever heard of a hot tub?
    
    
11. Why not go on a tropical vacation? Your feet won’t be cold!
    
    
12. Why not go to Alaska? Your feet won’t be warm!... oh gosh, this is the wrong one
    
    
13. Soak your feet in a tub full of broiling water.
    
    
14. Jump in the Darvaza Crater.
    
    
15. Toast marshmallows that are stuck to your toes.
    
    
16. Burn the furniture in the fireplace.
    
    
17. Look at this:
    
    
    
18. Go to Egypt.
    
    
19. In summer, go outside with winter clothes wrapped around your feet.
    
    
20. Get your feet blasted at by a laser.
    
    
21. Hold a magnifying glass in the hot, hot sun to your toe.
    
    
22. Fly in a rocket ship to the sun and get your feet melted.
    
    
23. Maybe frame that fire picture and hang it up on your wall.
    
    
    
24. Take off your feet and put them in an oven.
    
    
25. Have you ever heard of frying an egg on the sidewalk? Try doing the same thing… with your feet.
    
    
26. Hop in the toaster! We promise you your feet will be evenly browned.
    
    
27. Move to Death Valley, California.
    
    
28. Instead of throwing logs into the campfire, try throwing your feet!
    
    
29. Drop a burning stick on your foot.
    
    
30. Get a big, fat dragon and have him breathe fire on your feet.
    
    
31. Leave a vehicle out in the sun and then put your feet on the dash after about an hour.
    
    
32. Alternate version of 31: Same but put your feet on a metal part of the outside.
    
    
33. All of the above at the same time.
    
    
34. 1. Put a cut of meat in the oven. 2. Take it out after it is done. (Be sure to be wearing oven mitts while doing this!) 3. Put it on your feet.
    
    
35. Have your feet struck by lightning.
    
    

AND THAT IS THE END OF THIS LOOOONG BOOOOORING WEBSITE. :D IT WASN’T SO LONG AFTER ALL, WAS IT? WE HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT.